I (finally) acknowledged my attitude problem. I guess this could possibly be one of my greatest flaws. Lately, a lot of people have been picking fights with me over the most trivial things. It really bugged the shit out of me. The fights didn’t faze me so much, but it just bugged me that people kept telling me that I need to change. The recent fights occurred because of my attitude. I am a nice person, but sometimes, I am not nice at all. I can be really mean. I can be really careless, too. Despite all the people who have wronged me and the people who call me a bitch behind my back, I am unfazed. I really don’t care about people whose actions are a result of their bitterness.

I didn’t apologize. I believe, in most cases, people refuse to apologize because they value their egos more than their relationships. Well, I do care a lot about the people I recently fought with. My ego isn’t the reason why I didn’t apologize. The truth is, I didn’t feel sorry. I hate saying things that aren’t sincere. I value sincerity and I hate being fake.

In my defense, I said that my attitude is natural; it is human, it is a habitual tendency. When I am crabby, I tend to have an attitude. When other people are crabby, I just leave them alone. It doesn’t hurt my feelings. I know my attitude shuts a lot of doors. I probably wouldn’t get along with oversensitive people. I told them that I am okay with this, because I am selective as it is, and I would rather surround myself with strong, positive people than people who grow bitter over the smallest things.

I think, to most people, being mean is wrong. Most people see the world in black and white. My life is not grounded on social norms and rules. I hate rules. How I choose to act doesn’t revolve around others’ expectations. I think that the way I am naturally built should be understood. I accept me, you should accept me, too. If you can’t handle me, leave. I am intolerant of the intolerant.

I know I sound like a terrible person now. I’m not. I do think that being mean is hurtful. I should minimize my bitchiness so I will stop hurting the people I love. I just want people to realize this: hurting others is never my intention. I am not evil. I just think too many people give too much attention to things that shouldn’t even matter. Please, redirect your energy to something more important. Stop trying to control/shape the things and people that are out of your control. Stop trying to change small things. Stop trying to change what is human.

Anyway, this is not what I learned today. I learned that I actually should change (to an extent). I am not changing because other people don’t love me (of course other people love me). I am going to change because I don’t want my attitude to create more problems in the future. From now on, I am going to minimize my bitchiness.